she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just found puke in my bra..
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
