So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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