omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
