If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
