Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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