now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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