I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's rum buckets o'clock
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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