I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Randomize
