I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
