my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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