i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
