Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
