This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
