So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
