I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
