put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
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