I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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