Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
