I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
