and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
