Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
