Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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