Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
