the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
