Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
