i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
