think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Randomize
