i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
