All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
