Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
