I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
