My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
