i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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