dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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