For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
