I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
