Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think I won the penis lottery.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
