I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
