I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
