My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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