genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
