Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
