I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
