OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
