i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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