So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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