It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
