someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
