I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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