Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
