Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
