I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
