if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
