I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
